


Carpe Diem

by gooeycocoa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bisexuality, Coming Out, Friendship/Love, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, dumb of ass, pure of heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23922718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gooeycocoa/pseuds/gooeycocoa
Summary: Jean comes out to Mikasa and she helps him come to terms with who he is.
Relationships: Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	Carpe Diem

**Author's Note:**

> im whipping this out before bed because!!! i love two dorks !!! i just really like the mikasa/jean dynamic and I feel like they are super besties I love them!!! this takes place in season 1 cuz its before everything rlly goes to shit lol!!!

"Hey," Jean doesn't knock before entering the girls' dorm. It’s a bad habit, but he knows it's empty; the rest of the girls are still in the cafeteria, talking about god-knows-what.

Mikasa is alone in the dorm, braiding and unbraiding her hair in every way her mom taught her. Jean knows that as well. Mikasa loves to style hair, she loves make-up, she loves dressing pretty. Mikasa just doesn’t have the time anymore for the side of her that she hides from the outside world. One she's not even comfortable showing Eren. 

Jean likes that side of her. It's the real Mikasa.

"Hey," she doesn't pay much attention to him, her fingers are busy weaving skillfully through her hair.

He shuts the door behind him and sits on the bottom bunk of the bed so that Mikasa’s above him. He lets out a nervous sigh, trying to calm his nerves a bit.

"What's wrong?"

It wasn't the first time he'd gone to her for advice, and she had come to him plenty of times as well. An unlikely duo, the two are. After Mikasa’s blunt rejection, there was a shift in their dynamic. Partners in crime, almost, with a simple goal of trying to stay alive in a world that always seemed to be moving too fast.

One thing they have in common is Eren. Whether it's hatred or love, it's what brought them together in the first place.

"What's it like to be in love?"

Mikasa pauses her braiding, she thinks for a moment, and then she continues.

"I wouldn't know, try asking someone else."

Jean’s breath hitches at the thought of having to discuss his issue with another cadet. Maybe it is true, and she really has no idea.

Mikasa tries again, “It’s like learning to ride a bike, I think…” she seems puzzled by her own comparison. “You fall, scrape your knee, get back up, fall again, scrape the same knee. But you keep trying. And then it scars. If they like you back, it’s a pretty scar. Unrequited, and it haunts you the rest of your life.” It’s dark, a bit grim. Jean isn’t sure if he wants Mikasa to explain any further. He has enough physical scars to deal with in the first place.

"Why? Who is she?"

_ She. _

"Uh, well..."

Sweat spikes his hands, he rubs them off on his pants. He has to do this. It'll eat him alive if he keeps it to himself.

"Marco."

A pause.

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Oh."

He hears weight shift on the mattress above him, and then Mikasa is climbing down the ladder. her hair is braided so that her face is entirely in view.

"Well, this is news. isn't it?" she smiles, taking his hands into hers.

"I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me," she speaks softly as if she’s afraid Jean would burst into tears any minute now.

"You're not disgusted? Isn't this wrong?" Jean is baffled. He's spent countless nights crying to himself, feeling like he was abnormal, a mistake. something that needed to be fixed, altered in some way. He wasn’t expecting this kind of reaction. 

"Do you want me to be? Because I’m not." Mikasa hasn’t let go of his hands.

Even though Jean feels some relief, there’s a slight ache in his chest. One that can’t be ripped off like a band-aid. 

"It's scary, not knowing who to talk to about this. You’re the first person I’ve told." 

Jean’s hands feel grossly sweaty. He pulls them back to wipe them down again and thanks the heavens that Mikasa doesn't do the same out of disgust.

"When I first saw you, I thought you were the one. I thought you were gorgeous, and I hated that Eren was so special to you. And then when you turned me down, I cried for, like, a week!”

He laughs at the thought of himself head over heels for Mikasa and the shows he'd try to put on to get her attention. Pathetic now that he looks back at it, but Jean from two months ago thought he was a lady killer.

"And recently, whenever I look at Marco and when he looks at me… When he laughs, and when he lets me touch his freckles, and when he holds my hand so softly... It feels the same way. like I’m falling for him for the first time. It's like you walking by on the first day of training, but over and over again." 

Mikasa’s listening intently. A hint of sadness in her eyes. Pity, maybe. The military, where masculinity is glorified and "girl" is used as an insult, is no place for Jean to live his love life in peace.

"But I just think it's weird, Mikasa. Falling for you, a girl, and then go falling for my best friend! Who’s a dude!" he clamps a hand over his mouth. He's never said it out loud so explicitly. The words sound filthy coming out of his mouth.

"It's weird isn't it?" he continues in a whisper, "Some people pick one or the other. I’ve never heard of somebody liking both. It's not normal."

It’s as if he’s trying to get her to agree. Trying to find a reason to hate himself even more.

Mikasa is someone easy to trust. She doesn’t do much talking. She takes people’s secrets and stores them in her heart, where they sit locked away. Advice on sexuality is one of her main specialties.

"You don't get to pick who you're attracted to, Jean. It just happens, okay? Marcos a cute guy, go after him." she smiles. 

"Yeah, he's kinda hot..." the words feel different coming out of his mouth. They're just right, though. It's been a while since things have been just right.

"I just wish there was a word for liking both boys and girls. It would make things a lot easier."

"Make one up yourself," Mikasa jokes, "Marco-Mikasa-sexual." she snickers.

"Hey! Don't be rude." Jean pushes her playfully. She collapses dramatically onto the bed, and Jean follows. They’re both on their backs, side by side, looking up at the wooden planks supporting the mattress above them.

"But what about you, huh? You have anyone special? Besides Eren? You're like his mom."

Mikasa hesitates. Her hands fly to her hair and she unbraids it as she thinks. 

"I don't think so. I haven't had the time to think about romance. The last thing I need is to add another person onto the list of people I love that I could potentially lose."

"Am I one of them?" 

_ Way to go, Jean. You sound like an ass. _

"Yes, of course.” Mikasa giggles. “Sorry for killing the mood,” she shifts closer to him, "but that's only one person's mindset." She turns to her side and cups his face in her hands, "I think… you should go after him. Before it's too late." 

"Carpe diem," she says. It’s something Jean’s mom used to say all the time.

"Carpe diem..." he echos.

**Author's Note:**

> haha! do it b4 its too late jean! h a h a!


End file.
